Rest In Peace

Nicole Is Weird

You heard it here first, guys!

That’s right. I’m the hobo who approaches you on the streets of your local city telling you that HE KNOWS you had sex with your boyfriend about 2 hours ago. The funny thing is, he was right on the mark! You spend the next day or so wondering, “How did he know this? Was he there at the scene?”

The answer is, Yes. He was there at the scene.

So, the next time you have sex with your boyfriend, think of me. Especially you, TGO. Tell your boyfriend I said hi.

The Enigmatic "Beefy"

Thanks to Spencer, I’ve finally gotten acquainted with the visage of Christine. Inspired by this collection of strange and disturbing photos, I’ve decided to write a list. List-making is one of my favorite activities, especially when I’m suffering a severe mental breakdown. My psychoanalyst suggested it. Enjoy!

List of Things I Like

  • Christine’s dog.
  • Christine’s face.
  • The picture of Christine in front of a parking lot wearing sunglasses.
  • Hot Wheels toy cars.

List of Things I Don’t Like

  • Christine And Friend having lesbian sex in a shower.
  • Christine And Friend having lesbian sex in a bed.
  • Christine having buttsex with Male Friend With No Balls and/or Female Friend with Shiny Red Dildo.
  • Being generally surrounded by vaginas.
  • Oh look! Christine goes to church.
  • Christine’s large, bearded friend.
  • Is that a vagina?
  • Christine’s nipple piercings. Jesus.
  • Speaking of Jesus, doesn’t this nice girl go to church?

I’d blog more about something, anything, but my entrails crawled out of my body and hid behind something and I have to go find them.

Proof

The gods have spoken.

gay

Yes, that strapping young lad on the left is TGO, and the man with the basketball is none other than the famous Angus. This is concrete proof that TGO is gay. And uncircumcised!

Great New Theme

I got this great new theme yesterday. Unfortunately, WordPress doesn’t allow me to edit CSS so, tragically, I can’t make my layout exactly like Krystal’s. This made me cry for a couple hours before my imaginary boyfriend visited my trailer to comfort me. Then we had imaginary sex. He gave me five imaginary orgasms.
As you can see, I can be a very emotional person. Fortunately, my imaginary boyfriend understands and appreciates this. He loves me for who I am despite the fact that I may be subject to involuntary twitching, involuntary jerking, involuntary speaking, involuntary stalking, and involuntary murder.

In other news, I’d like to give a shout out to Heath Ledger, who died nobly for our country.

I’d also like to give a shout out to: TGO, who voted for Bush; Sarah, who is a total spaz; and all the other little people who helped me get where I am today.